To My Daughter, With Love

This has been one hell of a year. Recently, it hasn’t been in a good way. In fact, as I think about what there is to be thankful for this year, I can think of quite a few reasons not to be.

So far, the second half of 2013 has been riddled with heartache, fear, confusion, loneliness, sadness; I wonder if I’m leaving anything out. Having gone from being part of a family in a two story home to being a single mom in a two bedroom apartment isn’t exactly something to put in the Holiday Newsletter. But then, I peek into that second bedroom, where my little girl is sleeping soundly. I watch the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. I take a deep breath of my own, taking in her scent (and that of the diaper pail). And I’m reminded that I have everything in the world to be thankful for.

My life certainly isn’t what I expected it would be right now. But it’s still incredible. I have this amazing little girl who loves me like I’m the greatest thing in the world, a blessing I had given up hope of ever having. And, as I write this, I’m watching her on the monitor as she sleeps. And I’m at peace. Whatever other challenges or disappointments life has thrown my way (and will continue to do so – that’s life), when I look at her, everything is right in the world.

It’s so easy to look at what we don’t have. To want more. To feel we deserve more. And sometimes, we’re right. But we should never let that make us forget the blessings we do have. My daughter has opened my eyes and my heart in ways I never thought imaginable. I hope she never loses her happy and determined spirit. And I hope I’m able to teach her the value of the small things in life and of appreciating all she has.

To my daughter, with love,

I’m thankful for:

• Your incredible smile that is contagious beyond words.  Never lose that zest for life.
• Your laugh that lights up a room brighter than every star in the sky.
• The kisses you surprise me with.
• Having a successful breastfeeding relationship with you despite some early challenges.
• Being a strong enough woman, mentally, physically and emotionally, to have stuck with something that was so important to me.  I hope that I’m able to pass that trait on to you.  Never give up on something that means everything to you.  Always believe in yourself, even when it’s hard.  Especially when it’s hard.
• The way you snuggle into me while sucking your thumb when I let you watch Sesame Street.
• The way you clap your hands whenever I first turn on music.
•  A warm bed to sleep in.  Some people, even children, don’t have this.  Don’t ever take that for granted.
• Food on our table every day.  One day, I will teach you my secret sauce recipe.
• Clothes on our backs and shoes on our feet.
• Family that, though they drive me crazy, is there in a pinch to pack my moving truck. Yet again.  Your family will always be there for you, no matter what.  You can and should always come to me with anything and everything.  There is nothing you could ever do that would make your family love you any less or turn their backs on you.  That’s what being family is all about.  Being stuck like glue.
• The way you giggle when we dance to Stuck Like Glue by Sugarland 🙂  Your daddy and I once danced to that song at a concert.  You’ve always loved it.
• New days full of opportunity.  Treat every new day as a fresh start.  Leave any anger, frustration or disappointment from the day before behind you.
• Life. Messy, unpredictable, difficult but so rewarding.
• Friends who are there when it matters and the ability to accept those who fall short for who they are.  Not everyone will treat you the way that you treat them.  Accept people for who they are.
• the intelligence to know that not all who smile at you have good intentions or your best interest at heart. Pay more attention to people’s actions then their words.
• Memories of incredible love and a heart full of hope for the future. Never lose hope.
• Sunsets.
• Fluffy snow.
• Cozy blankets.
• Peppermint.
• Hot chocolate.
• Peppermint hot chocolate.
• Good books.  I hope your love of books continues as you grow.  I hope to one day share some of my favorite books with you.  And that one day, you will read to me about Gerald the Giraffe.
• My permanently distorted belly button that, while no longer perfectly adorable, reminds me that you and I were one once.  Love your body always.  It won’t be perfect but it will be beautiful.
• Photos – both having them to remember special moments and being able to take them and help others preserve their special moments.  Find something you love to do in life, that takes you away somewhere magical.  And do it.
• Healing.  We always do.  Some wounds, physical or emotional, take longer to heal than others.  Allow yourself that time.
• Our innate, incredible ability to constantly change and grow.
• That perfect pair of panties and matching bra that make you feel like you can take on the world. You will understand this many years from now.
• Drive thru windows without which, I would miss many meals.
• Autumn leaves and teaching you how they feel and how to make them crumble.
• Seasonally scented candles.
• Pandora Radio
• The way you always calm when I sing to you. No matter what.
• The feel of your hand in mine.
• Naps.  I know that you hate these right now.  One day, I promise, you will yearn for them.
• Camera phones that enable me to take endless photos and videos of you.
• Any night that involves more than a four hour stretch of sleep.
• Johnny Depp. Now and forever. One day we’ll watch Benny and Joon together.
• Bubble baths and wine.
• Long, aimless drives.
• Midgetville.
• Strong female country musicians.
• Karaoke.
• Dessert.  Sometimes its okay to eat before dinner.  Or as dinner.  But only if you learn to eat your vegetables sometimes too!
• Today. Right now.  This moment is what life is all about.  Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.  Enjoy the right now.  Make the most of every moment.  Forgive those you care about, love those who deserve it, try new things, smell the roses.  Live life to it’s fullest.  Right now.
• 

  Silly time with my girl ❤